Horizon
by Lillithayn
Summary: Sam had always seen it as the three of them. The boys have finally repaid Sib for her loyalty by killing the demon that's been haunting her forever. Now that's out of the way, though, will things change for them? Is it really over? A strange friendship dynamic but the pairing is Sam/OC. May be mentions of ex-Dean/OC. Read Sib's back story for more info.
1. If it means anything

_a/n; Here. I promised to repost this and I did. Chapter one isn't all cleaned up yet but I was really excited about getting out the next two so I posted it anyway. I did change a few things, though. This is basically an intro chapter into the mind of Sib and her friendship with Sam. The next chapters will be increasingly more eventful._

_Also, for this story, each chapter's progression has kind of been inspired by a song. This one is inspired by First Day of My Life by Bright Eyes._

* * *

Sib laid flat on the bed, limbs sprawled to cover the canvas of white. Her black hair stuck miserably to her forehead, her hands too limp to push it away for the umpteenth time. She couldn't tell if it was still damp from the shower or if it was sweat. She offered a low groan into the silence of the cream colored room. The warmth of the place was making her tired. She hoped that night would fall soon. The day seemed a bit too long for her liking.

Her toes hit the edge of the bed and cold air from the vent below came barreling out to greet them. She was too tired to even shiver as the heat surrounding her began to subside. Her body ached and everything around her was fading into the backdrop, the lines of reality blurring quickly as she lulled in and out of sleep. She let her eyes slip shut, her grip loosening on the edges of the bed. Thankfully the pain was beginning to pass, too.

"Stay awake, it's important that you watch over things." Sib mentally reminded herself mid-drift. Maybe she should have stayed by the door, sitting in her favorite chair and waiting. The bed was a bad, bad idea. The woman batted her darkened lashes, opening her eyes wide just to be blinded by the florescent light above. She wanted to throw something at the switch.

A chill passed through the room, shaking her back to reality as quickly as she left and causing her heart to speed. Sib latched her fingers weakly around the revolver handle sticking from the mattress and holding still once she had her grip on it. Whoever it was would think she was asleep and she'd be able to get the jump on them.

She waited, heart pounding heavily against her rib cage and hands tensing on the cool metal. She fingered the trigger, counted to ten twice waiting for some sort of noise to signal an intrusion.

Nothing.

Her pulse came down with a few steady breaths and she pushed the gun under her thigh for safe keeping, shutting her eyes once more with a heavy sigh. "Paranoid." She muttered, cursing her jumpiness. Just as the thought passed her lips she heard the familiar squeak of boots on tile. That was no intruder. Her door crept open immediately after, light pouring into her haven like wildfire. She pulled her arm over her forehead to block the light as best she could, turning her head. Sam had one foot in the room and a hand on the doorknob, the other placed over the top of the duffle bag on his shoulder.

"You busy?" He spoke up before her brain could decode the questioning look on his face. As weak as she was, she couldn't help but smile.

"You should know better by now." Her voice sounded more tired than she wanted it to. Sam smiled back, tossing his hair from his eyes with a flick of his neck and shutting the door behind himself. He pulled the bag from his shoulder, leaning it against the wall and dropping his jacket beside it before he kicked off his boots and returned his eyes to her with a chuckle. One brow was raised in amusement, his mouth twitching into something like a smirk as he examined her.

"That bad, huh?"

"Mm, that bad." She managed back, sighing as she sat up and turned to place her feet on the floor. Before she could manage another word he was scouring the room, lifting her coffee cup off the desk and taking the last sip. He lowered the mug slowly- and seeing the fire in her eyes at his action- swallowed it just as slow.

"I'll go make more." Sam hurried out.

"Don't need to." She cut him off, pointing to the small shelf opposite of him. Sam nearly laughed when he saw the row of mugs. "Grab two."

He obliged and carried over the darkest two, leaving the ugly yellow mug by its lonesome and joining her on the edge of the bed. She scooped the red mug from his hands, silently thanking him with a nod. Almost like a magnet her mouth greedily latched onto the lip of the mug, not pulling away until it was a fourth lighter.

"So, how'd it go?" She spoke finally, setting her cup aside. Sib hadn't realized Sam had even moved, let alone drank half of his own.

"It.. Went." He looked down, hands folded in his lap and eyes directed at the floor. She raised a brow in confusion. He was never that quiet. Before his name could pass her lips in the most pleading of ways he spoke up again. "I just wish you could've been there." The silent 'I needed you' made her heart drop. The last thing either of the Winchesters needed to deal with was a sin-speaker.

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be." His reply was edgy compared to his usual tone. Sam had grown tense in seconds and she knew exactly why. He was still upset about what happened before the trip. "It was Dean's call, not yours."

"Dean was just doing what he thought was right. I can't hold it against him."

"But I can." Sam interjected quickly. Before she could speak again he had started off on a tangent. "He knew what this meant to you. You know better than to get your emotions involved and-"

"Hey." She spoke quietly, resting her hand on his knee. "I appreciate you sticking up for me but I'm fine with it."

Sam turned his head to her slightly, a pained look on his face. "No, Sib. When do you get revenge? You deserved to go. You were denied your peace."

In honesty, she was upset they'd left her there. Sam was right, she did deserve to go. She was a valuable asset and knew way more than either of the boys about the damn thing they were after- the thing she'd been after most of her life. She didn't get her big payoff and she was furious about that. She'd never let Sam know that, though. Nobody would ever know the punching and screaming and crying that ensued when the Impala pulled out of the driveway. "I have peace. I thank you for giving it to me. You gave me my revenge and that is more than anyone has ever done for me."

That had caught him off guard. Sam opened his mouth to protest but instead stopped himself, running his tongue over his lips. "I.. You're welcome. I'm sorry I couldn't do more."

Sib laughed at this, shaking her head at the man. "You don't give yourself enough credit." Once he seemed a little bit less upset she tapped his knee with her palm, pulling her hand back. "Just go easy on him, okay? Dean believes he's responsible for us both. He doesn't do these things to spite me, he does them to protect me. To protect both of us."

"I know. It's just hard sometimes."

"Oh, I know it is." She gave a crooked smile, bringing the coffee to her lips again and nearly emptying it. "So, then, allow a change of subject?"

"Sure, go ahead." Sam shrugged but there was a glint of relief in his eyes.

"You miss me?"

As soon as the words crossed her lips a smile spread across his face. A bashful, shy smile that hadn't lost its innocence despite everything he'd went through. Man did she love that smile. "You just wanna hear me say it."

"Pretty much." Sib admitted cheerfully with a large grin.

He chuckled, "Nope."

She played offended, turning away from him and folding her arms over her chest. "My heart.. is broken.."

"Sib!" He pleaded almost immediately, placing his hands on her forearms and resting his head on her shoulder. "You know I did."

"Don't lie. You're just trying to make me feel better." She continued on, turning her head up towards the ceiling like a stubborn high class lady. She could barely stop herself from laughing.

"Aw, come on," He whined back, "don't do this."

"M-mm." She snapped back, trying to ignore the hand pushing hair from her face and the breath hitting her cheek.

"Sib." He whispered gently, turning her head a little with his palm until her eyes were on his. "I missed the shit outta you. It's really dull when you're not around and.. I think Dean missed you, too."

"That's.." She stopped herself from becoming pliable mush, squinting at him. That wasn't part of the game. "Really cheesy, bud."

Sam's face dropped before he had the chance to put his wall back up. "Yeah, I know. I mean it, though." He hurried out the words like they were poison.

Sib had to force herself to keep straight. This wasn't supposed to be part of the game. "Well if it means anything I missed you, too."

The faintest smile returned to his face; only this time it was playful. "What about Dean?"

"Nope. Just you."

He tilted his head slightly, a faint blush on his face. "That's a little cold, Sib."

"I know." She replied nonchalantly, shrugging her shoulders and returning to her normal position. No one could elicit as much emotion from her as Dean could. He could make her wanna hug him, hit him and cry all in one minute and unfortunately, it was one of those days. So no, she didn't want to think about him missing her, talk to Sam about it, or even see Dean the rest of the night.

"So?" Sam pulled her from her thoughts and she tried her best not to jump.

"So, what?" Sib spoke into her cup; finishing the rest of her coffee and drinking the remnants off her lips.

"So you really didn't miss him? Just me?" He paused, dashing his tongue across his lips- probably out of tendency. "Why?"

She sat her mug down with a sigh. "Of course I missed you guys. I just missed you a little bit more." She watched him for a second, examining how he'd leaned into her like he was telling a secret. His pupils were dilated. She didn't know why, probably from lack of sleep or caffeine- maybe both. His eyes were focused on hers and his mouth hung slightly. Sam was listening, that was for sure. She just didn't know why it mattered so much. "Why do you read so much into things?"

Sam seemed to snap back into reality at the question, his shoulders slumping back down. "Dunno. I'm just used to having to. I can't really help it."

"Guess I can understand that." She nodded to herself more than him. "So where's the team captain?"

He laughed and shrugged a little. "Probably a bar or something. You know, the usual." He sat back up and finished his coffee too, looking over to the wall the bedpost was pressed to. One of her newest posters had to have caught his attention; Tom Petty.

"We got the night off then?"

"Seems to be that way." He glanced over at her. "Wanna go catch up with 'em?"

Hell no she didn't. She was still made about earlier. "Nah, let him have his fun. Want to watch a movie?"

Sam looked at her, one brow raised and lips twitching into a smile. Thank God he wasn't gonna push her. "Depends on the movie."

"Your pick."


	2. I don't wanna know

_a/n; This chapter contains some Deaness. If you're only here for the Sam, I come to tell you this is a passing thing. There's going to be plenty of Sam but this right here is important to the story._

* * *

"Hey Sib, can I ask you something?" Sam tossed his head back over the pillow to look at her as the credits rolled. Her stomach hit the ground. She was hoping that he would just take her not speaking much about the hunt as a sign that chapter in her life was over and she wanted to move on, never looking back again.

"Sure." She spoke despite herself; who knew, that might not even be what he was wondering about.

"I'm wondering.." Of course he was on to her. He was Sam. It was his job by all rights to be on top of things like that.. "Why you haven't cared to ask what we found out."

Sib bit the inside of her cheek, closing her eyes tightly. The sound of the television clicking off was like a bullet in the chest. "I just.."

"You can tell me anything, Sib."

"I.. Know." Sib spoke through gritted teeth, peeling her eyes open at the shift in placement. Sam had somehow made his way over already and found a way into her direct sight. He rested his hand on her leg and scooted in as far as he could, pulling his other arm around her. That's when she realized she was crying a little. Not sobbing, not even sniffling. Just tears rolling down her cheeks that only he seemed to take notice of. She hadn't even known how long they had been there. She felt like an idiot.

"You know I'm the last person that's gonna look down on you, Sib. I get you're nervous."

"I just.." She started off again, blinking back the tears and swallowing hard. "I don't wanna know."

"You aren't even interested in knowing about your life before?" Sam spoke again, this time even more curiousity in his voice.

Sib shook her head, dusting the tears off her face with the flannel he'd placed around her during the movie. "Look.." She started off quietly, barely looking at him. She wanted to keep her eyes down because she was ashamed. "Just give me some time here. Look, I don't know- I just want to think this through first."

"I'm not gonna force this on you, Sib. I just think you deserve to know, that you need to know. I'll let it go, alright?" He pushed her hair from her face and fluffed it playfully, giving her a small smile.

"Thanks Sam." She leaned against him with a sigh, closing her eyes with caution. She wasn't used to relaxing. This would be the first night she wouldn't have to worry about being chased and Sib felt.. stiff.

"Back to normal you think?" He yawned, snapping her from her thoughts and pulling her in to rest on his chest. Sib nearly laughed.

"It's never been normal. If you consider this," Sib motioned to them, "normal, then sure. But otherwise.." She drifted, covering her own yawn with her sleeve.

"Don't think we've had downtime like this in a while. Feels funny." Before she could agree with him his grip tightened slightly on her. "And uh, if it's any consolation.. I didn't read past your name."

Sib's eyes flew open and her whole body tensed momentarily, a cold feeling shooting through her veins. "Name?"

"Yeah, your name. It was the first thing we found." He mumbled, lazily running circles on her back. A small 'oh' left her mouth and she bit down on her lip. Name. Why would she need a name from the people who didn't even raise her, people she didn't even know. She had a name already. Still, though, even with her wicked reasoning curiousity hit her. Sib brushed it off as best she could.

She laid there but she felt uneasy. She couldn't get comfortable, couldn't stay still. Maybe it was because Dean was still out. Sib sighed, resting her hand over Sam's heart as per usual. It had grown to be a habit now whenever they'd fallen asleep watching movies. She just had to know everyone was safe. Most of the time it was just the two of them but when Dean would sit with them she'd kick up a foot into his lap and toss her arm around Sam. And Dean.. Dean and his damn poker nights. She could hardly count the times they'd passed out drunk and face down in a deck of cards, beer still in hand. Some nights, somehow, Dean would move her over to the couch and he'd sit in the chair beside her vigilant. She didn't understand how he could still be so normal and caring toward her even after everything that happened.

Sib tried to shake off those thoughts, too. She'd never get any sleep if she just stayed there thinking. Try as she may, though, not even Sam's steady beathing would lull her off. Her mind was in unrest, "Hey Sammy," Sib nudged his arm with hers finally, giving up the act.

"Hmm?" He murmured quietly, sleep laced heavily in his voice.

"You remember my 16th?"

"Yeah, yeah I do. Why?" She could hear the smile in his voice and watched as he lifted his arm to rub the tired from his eyes.

"You guys gave me my name then.. and to be honest it means a helluva a lot more to me than whatever you found today."

"And no matter what you're always going to be Sib. Still, though, your real family- aren't you even a little bit curious?"

"Sure. But it's a fleeting curiousity. I don't want to destroy what I've build by remembering any of my past. It's in the past for a reason. I wanna keep moving forward."

"It could give you closure." Sam reminded, choosing his words carefully.

"Sam.." She sat up, placing her hand on his face to turn his gaze to her. "Stop worrying about me. I have closure."

"Hey Sibby, guess-" The door flew open and on came the lights, Dean's voice drifting painfully. Sib squeezed her eyes shut and let her hand fall, turning her attention to the doorway. Her heart broke when she saw the look on his face; his jaw was tense and his brows furrowed, lips parted just enough to state the shock. "I'll come back later."

"It's not-"

As soon as she caught his gaze he turned to stone- straightening himself and giving her a cold look. He raised his hand to stop her. "Nah, I get it. Go 'head and celebrate. I'mma go catch happy hour."

"Dean.." If Sib thought the look she got was deadly, Sam must've gotten the look of fucking hell when he spoke up.

"I'm fine, Sammy." Dean said real tense, glaring at him. "Just watch over things. Don't let me come home to an empty house and make sure Sib stays safe."

"We'll be okay, Dean. Just gonna catch up on some sleep." Sam spoke painfully slow and hoped his brother knew better. He had this honest look on his face that shouted nothing was up, brows raised and eyes wide.

"Yeah, sure." Dean dropped his hand to the doorknob, looking over at Sib one last time. He looked so damn hurt and it was killing her. "Just remember the only thing that brings her outta the nightmares is if you sit her up and hold her real tight."

Sib's mouth fell along with her heart and the door shut before she could regain her composure.

"Go." Sam nudged her when he spoke. She turned her head back to him as if searching for approval. She didn't like the look on his face, couldn't decode it. "I'll be fine, just go."

Before she could even question it she was up and running out the door and through the hallway. Sib caught Dean's jacket right before he could make it to the door. He turned like a bolt of lightening- grabbing Sib's wrist and nearly slamming her to the wall before realizing it was her. Luckily he'd stopped himself before her back could hit the thick wood. "Don't sneak up on me like that. I coulda hurt you."

"I don't care." She snapped, pulling her wrist free and tossing her arms around him because it was the only thing she knew to do. He hugged her back hesitantly, resting his hands on her lower back and pressing his chin to the top of her head. "That looked way worse than it was. I didn't want you leaving upset."

He pulled away instantly, holding her at arm's length before dropping his hand. "Look Sib, you don't have to explain anything to me. I get it, you wanna move on, and truthfully if you do there's nobody I'd rather have you with than Sammy. At least I know he's capable of keepin' you safe."

"Dean.. Please just hear me out. It's not even like that."

"And you're not obligated to tell me if there is something between you two."

"But there isn't." Sib spoke again, metting his eyes with a serious look.

The corner of his mouth twitched slightly and he pocketed his hands. He examined her for a minute before putting his wall back up. "Look, I gotta get going."

Sib's heart began to pound when he looked to the door. Her body was jittering like she had too much caffiene. Before he could move Sib did the one thing she knew would stop him. She kissed him.


	3. I always will

_a/n; As mentioned in the summary, this is what I meant. I won't say anymore because I don't wanna spoil it._

_The song for this chapter is You Kill Me in a Good Way by Sleeping with Sirens._

* * *

When Sib had finally pulled away the last thing she expected was his arms to go around her like they'd never been apart. His forehead rested gently against hers and a calloused thumb came to wipe away the fresh tears sliding down her face. Yeah it was real quick and desperate thinking but damn did it feel right when Dean just held her the way he did. Sib held onto him by the front of his shirt the way she used to, remembering how fascinated he was by how tiny her hands were. She remembered that shirt, how it would be haphazardly discared after a long day and how the fabric had worn over his heart from the times she'd put her hand there just so he could sleep.

"Baby.." Dean whispered cautiously, slowly. He said it again because he hadn't tasted that word in so fucking long that it sounded strange to him, new again.

Sib sucked in a breath, opening her eyes to look at him. He was too close and things seemed blurry but she could still make out all the flexes of color in his eyes, the swell of his lips from kissing and the way the light reflected off his skin so prettily. "Yeah?" She was so scared to say something that it came out like a whimper. It was too much. Everything was hitting her like a thirty thousand pound weight and she couldn't take the beating.

"I can't.."

Her heart sped and fell to her feet, shattering like glass and catching her on fire. She didn't wanna hear that right now, she never wanted to hear it- not the way he said it. He said it like he was falling apart. "I don't understand."

Deam closed his eyes for a second, touching her face gently. He ran his fingers over her cheekbone and traced over the line of her jaw as if she was this fragile thing. "This isn't right.. Remember?" He said it like he was begging her, like it hurt to talk. She was confused and he didn't want to explain because it was painful have her right there- right fucking there in his arms all over again and know that someone else was gonna take his place one day because he let her go. "Sib.." He whispered louder, voice cracking, trying to drive away the feelings flooding back.

"What if it's right now? What if-"

He drew in a breath, staring at her with clouded eyes. "Don't make me do this."

Sib tipped her head down, looking to her feet. It hurt so much she was afraid that if she looked at him any longer she'd fall apart. "Why."

Dean brought her face back to his and she closed her eyes to keep from looking at him. "Sib.. please." His thumb ran across her lips with care and she opened her eyes to see a tear fall. "I don't wanna hurt you anymore."

"You won't. You never did. I-"

He pressed his lips back to hers, running a hand through her hair and leaving the other on her face. Sib tugged her arms around his neck to pull him closer, tipping her head and drinking in every second like it was her last.

Dean went to pull back but she caught her breath quickly and pressed her mouth to his again, sending him a step or two backwards. She slid her hand over to his and pulled it to rest over her heart. When they parted finally she hoped he couldn't feel her heart break beneath his fingers. "Please, Dean."

He pressed a finger to her lips, brows furrowing as he parted his lips with a smile. "Shh."

She gagged on her air when more memories came flooding back. She was shaking and Dean just kissed away the tears that fell and leaned towards her ear. "Please don't cry, baby."

"I love you." Sib managed out through sobs. There was a coldness ghosting around her even though she was still in his arms.

"I know. I love you, too." Dean's lips had quivered upon letting those words pass and he paused to let the tear fall. "That's why I gotta let you go."

"Don't.."

"I have to. I'm not.." He took a breath, letting his eyes slip shut for a moment. "I love you too much. That's why it's safer that we're not together."

"How can you say that?" She shook with her words, no longer whispering. It'd been years but how could he do this so easily? How could he let it all go?

"Sib.." He looked at her again, dropping his hand down to hers and holding it tightly. "I don't think right when I'm with you. All I wanna do is protect you, keep you safe. I'd do damn near anything to keep you safe. So I get reckless. And we don't got room for me makin' a mess of things like that 'cause I'm hot headed when it comes to you."

"So you'd rather be apart? I don't understand.. We're gonna be working together either way. Why not just try?"

"Because I know he'll keep you safe better than I ever could, that's why. Because you won't be so worried about me and go jumpin' the gun whenever something has my back against the wall. Because Sam's more cautious and I look out for him so you can watch your own ass."

"So that's what this is about? What you think you saw in the room?" Sib was startled by that but held her ground as much as she could. "Dean, I already told you- there's nothing between us."

Dean smiled. "Maybe not now their ain't and that's only 'cause you're hung up on me."

"So you're giving up because you think something might happen someday between me and Sam?" Sib pulled away from him a little. She was angry. She didn't understand what he was trying to prove by hurting her like this.

"I'm not giving up, Sib, I'm doing the right thing. I've seen the way he looks at you and I know something's there. And I know for a damn fact that if you let me go- you'd be able to see that, and you'd be happy for a change."

"Dean-"

"Sib.." He squeezed her hand and looked her in the eyes, smiling just a little bit wider. "I was being stupid earlier. I'm sorry for that. I can't change anything I've done in the past but I can make sure I never hurt you again."

She sighed. It was fucking useless to keep trying to fight him. He was convinced that he was right and nothing would change that- no amount of pleading or kissing or crying. Maybe she did have to let him go. Maybe she would be happier. "Okay." She whispered hoarsely, closing her eyes a moment before looking at him. "Okay." She repeated louder, trying to convince herself that it was alright.

For a moment he looked like he was gonna crack and kiss her again, then he straightened up. "Thank you." He brought her hand to his mouth and left a kiss across her knuckles before letting go. His hand went through her hair and pushed it back, his thumb swiped over the last of her tears. He pressed a kiss to her lips and leaned his forehead on hers for a second, letting her arms press to his chest when he hugged her. Then, at last, he breathed in the scent of her- something like cigarette smoke and strawberries. Dean didn't pull away until he was sure he'd remember everything. He touched her face again and let her nudge into his hand, staring at him so expectantly like she always did. So innocent. "I love you, Sibby."

"I love you, too, Dean. I always will." She forced out her words before she could start to cry again, kissing his palm before his hand withdrew.

"I know. So will I." He stared at her for what seemed the longest time because that was the last time he'd see her like this. He wanted to remember how she was with him, that he'd made her sad like this and hurt her. That way he could see her change. That way he wouldn't be spiteful or hurt or jealous when she smiled for Sam because Dean knew he wasn't best for her. That way he could see how much she'd change, how much better she was without him.

Then he realized that he was smiling. He never felt like he did anything right until then. It was a sad smile but she too had given one back and let him see it before he walked out the door. When it closed, it felt symbolic.. His heart shattered.


	4. I'm the reason

Everything after that was a blur. It didn't even hit her that she'd been walking until she was leaning against the door in the dark of her room, staring at the shadowed figure sprawled across her bed. Sib stood there for what seemed like forever, trying her best to calm herself and keep from waking him. The light of the desk lamp was dim but illuminated the room just enough for her to see. Sam's hair was messily strewn across the pillow, hanging defiantly in front of his closed eyes. His lips were pursed and he clutched the bright yellow coffee cup in one hand, the other shoved beneath his head. He was so precious when he slept that Sib had nearly forgotten everything else for a moment.

She closed her eyes for a moment, taking in a deep breath and wiping under her eyes. Then she began over to him carefully, making sure that she stayed quiet. Sam sighed and stretched a little- flexing his fingers around the ceramic cup. She paused and waited before continuing to the bed. Despite all her effort when she'd gotten past her desk Sam's eyes opened and she froze. "Sorry." She whispered.

"Mm, no it's fine." He shook his head a little and brought his hand to his face as if to rub away the tiredness before looking at her. "Didn't mean to fall asleep on you like that."

"Oh. It's okay." Her hand shot up to the back of her neck nervously, watching him lean up and slide the cup onto the table. When he looked at her again he had this look on his face like he knew what was up.

"You okay?"

Sib swallowed. She didn't wanna answer, and quite frankly, she didn't have to because he was already on his side and ushering her over. She walked over to him and took her spot, stiff as a board and trying to play cool.

"What happened?" He lowered his brow is confusion, watching her every move. He knew her way too well. "Sib.."

"He.." She started, tilted her head a little as if she was in pain. "That's it."

And somehow Sam just got it despite her lack of words and brought her close, hugging her as tight as he could without hurting her. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be." She spoke up when they parted, letting her eyes meet his cautiously. "It's for the best."

"Still can't be easy. I know you guys-"

"We're over it. I'll be okay." She cut him off. It didn't hurt as much as she thought it would to say it. Maybe she was just numb. Maybe she was blocking it out or maybe somehow, somewhere inside she knew Dean was right.

Luckily he didn't say anything else. If he did she would've just left to sleep on the couch. She didn't wanna talk about it, didn't want to do anything but feel her head hit the pillow and let her eyes close for the night. Then his hand pressed to her cheek and she stiffened a little bit more, trying not to go all wide eyed and deer-like because _why in the hell would he do that_. He licked his thumb and brushed it under her eyelashes and she had no choice but to close her eyes.

"You've got mascara.." And Sam's voice drifted. "You were crying weren't you."

"Yeah." Sib admitted and it was painful. He sighed and wiped at her cheek until she opened her eyes to look at him. He had this look on his face like he was the one who got hurt, like his blood was running cold or someone just died.

As soon as she dropped her head in shame he nudged her back up to look at him. She wouldn't. She was fucking embarrassed and kept her eyes closed because she felt stupid. All she seemed to do was cry. She was no hunter. She was weak. Then his hand was at the back of her neck, pressing her a little closer. "Don't cry anymore."

And Sam kissed her. It wasn't a real kiss, but his mouth pressed to her and their lips locked.

Her eyes fluttered open when he pulled away a little. "Sam.." She started, drawing in a breath.

"I'm sorry."

There was this little ping in Sib's chest and he must have sensed it because she didn't say anything.

"Not for that." He withdrew his hand from her and pulled away to look her in the eye. "I heard what happened out there. That's.. why I'm sorry."

She opened her mouth to speak but no words left. Sib didn't know what the hell to think anymore. "I don't understand."

"I'm why he let you go."

"He let me go because it was the right thing to do." Sib spoke up finally, scooting her hand over to cover his. "You can't blame yourself for the decisions he makes all the time."

"And you're just okay with that?"

"For the most part, yeah. And I'll come to have none of it bother me at all."

Sam gave her a look of confusion. He was completely mystified by the whole thing, how she was just so calm all of a sudden about everything. She was acting like none of it mattered and that was nothing like her. Little did Sam know the that he was the reason for Sib being so completely alright. As soon as she'd gotten to the room her mind seemed to clear. Maybe she didn't think right around Dean, either. "How can you be okay with everything?"

"Because I can't keep holding onto something that already gone. I gotta move on. I keep talking that I don't want to get stuck in the past and by not letting him go, that's exactly what I'm doing. So, I'm gonna move on."

Then there was silence, like what she said had cleared the whole house. It wasn't awkward or strange, just peaceful. Sam had understood her and allowed himself to take another breath, running his knuckles over the palm of her hand. After what seemed like the longest time Sam spoke up, sliding the pillow over. "Come lay down."

He didn't really have to ask, Sib's head was already sinking into the cottony fluff before she could even reply. He was leaning up on his arm still, watching her carefully and brushing her hair behind her ear. Sib finally gazed up at him and that nervousness she always felt when Sam looked at her like that came back. He smiled a little and leaned down, leaving a kiss near the corner of her eye. "You want me to stay?"

Sib nuzzled deeper into her pillow, patting next to her. He could only see half of her smile but it was enough. "Please." She said a little muffled.

He rested down beside her on his back and let her snuggle into his chest, cautiously pulling his arm around her until his hand rested on a flannel covered hip. How she was so tiny Sam could never understand. Her hands tugged at him as she fell into sleep and Sam just laid there staring at the ceiling, drawing little miscellaneous shapes onto her arm and tracing over the mark there. To be honest, Sam didn't know what the hell he was doing. All he could think of was that Dean had hurt her, and he had to be the one to put the pieces back together. Again.

And it would be the last damned time, too.


	5. Tainted salvation

Sib's eyes flicked open at the sound of her name hitting her ear like velvet. "Hey.." Sam spoke again softer, snaking his arm around her waist to bring her closer. His breath hit her skin and she shivered back into his grip. Before she could even muster up an answer his mouth was on the back of her neck and trailing kisses down and over her shoulder. She tossed her head to the side without thought and let her eyes shut again. He bit down on the sensitive skin of Sib's neck and her hand went back to grip his hair, a small almost inaudible noise leaving her mouth before she could stop it.

Sam's hand left it's spot on her hip and ran down her side, making it's way under her shirt to the spot between her breasts. Her heart was beating so fast by the time he pulled away that Sib was sure he could feel it, or worse, hear it. "Why.." She managed out breathlessly, her head completely spinning when he trailed off to her stomach and pulled her back against him hard.

"Dean's not home and I thought.." He was breathing all messed up and kissing her randomly between words. "I need you."

She ran her hand through his hair in thought, tipping her head back against his shoulder. She tugged at the locks wrapped aroung her fingers. "How long you think?"

"Don't know, could care less." He chuckled a little and it went right through her. She could still hear the sleep in his voice and it made him sound raspy. It was kinda sexy. Before she could get in another word he was nudging at her shoulder for her to flip over. He moved and it barely registered. Sib on the other hand didn't move fast enough and Sam pushed her down onto her back, hovering over her with a smirk on his face. "Hey there."

She smiled, raising an eyebrow at him. "Hey you." This was.. not what she expected to wake up to. Not by a longshot. Sam was innocent, kind of like a puppy for the most part- but right now he was pinning her down and looking like he wanted to eat her. "What's gotten into you?"

Sam threw his leg over her and Sib's body was suddenly burning. "Thought a change in pace would be nice."

He kissed her before she could question anything else. He was all over her and she could barely keep track of his hands. The way he was touching down her side and scratching his nails across her wrist had her mind foggy. Sam leaned away just enough, making some sort of throaty noise when he bit at her lip. Before she could pull him back he was on her neck, trailing kisses all over and pulling the string on her pajama pants.

Sib nearly choked on her air. "I-"

He bit her nipple through the fabric of the shirt and Sib gasped. Sam only chuckled, tracing his fingers over the skin above her pants and looking up at her expectantly. "You were saying..?"

Sib's heart sped with nervousness, her face flushing. "Please."

Sam gave her a smile and pressed a kiss to her mouth before leaning towards her ear. "I have a question first.." He whispered tauntingly, sliding his hand into her pajamas and tracing over the fabric of her underwear. "I wanna know.. how many times you thought of me when you _fucked_ him." His words were filled with spite and venom and her eyes shot open like she'd been stabbed in the chest.

Sib's body fell from burning hot to freezing. She tried to move but his hand slid up to her chest- pushing her back down. "Get-"

"Shh, Sibby.. Just answer the quesions and you can have me." He almost sung it, scraping his nails across the center of her chest and making her back arch.

"No." Sib muttered finally. digging her nails into the bed and trying to catch her breath.

"I said quiet." His other hand came flashing over to cover her mouth. "How many times.. did you close your eyes and pretend he was me, just until my name nearly passed your lips and you had to bite your tongue and face that I wasn't the one inside you.. Tell me." Sam ran his lips over her jaw and drug his hand up to grip her breast.

"Sam please." Sib spoke, muffled by his hand and trying to twist her wrists out of his grip. He was way too strong, she couldn't thrash her way out when she was pinned like this. She couldn't move, couldn't scream. The sinister look he had made her skin crawl.

Sam leaned down and kissed behind her ear, hovering over her. "Please what."

"Let go.." She spoke beneath his hand, leaning her body up to touch his. When their skin touched she jerked back in disgust, nearly abandoning her plan completely.

"Why would I do that?"

Sib moved leg carefully and wrapped it around his waist, leaning up again to press her chest to his. Her tongue ran over the fingers suffocating her, humming softly at him with lazy eyes. Sam's hand loosened just anough for her to breathe better- her words were still muffled. "I wanna touch you."

"And you're gonna be good if I let you go?"

Sib's smile was forced. "I promise."

"If I do, you answer me, alright?"

Sib nodded and he let go, slowly, cautiously. One arm was still pinned above her head but it didn't matter- she could get enough leverage now. Sib ran her hand down his chest, a lopsided smirk playing on her face. She pulled at the front of his pants and leaned towards his ear as much as she could. "Come closer.."

He offered a small noise at the bite she left on his neck, leaning closer to her. As soon as he took the bait her eyes opened and she slid her hand up to latch onto his wrist. She twisted as quickly as she could, using her leg push him down. Sib pinned him as best she could. "I never wanted you." Sib whispered close to his ear, her mouth twitching in anger.

"Sibby-"

She cut him off, grinding her knees into his legs. "Elysium."

And beneath her came dark laughter that rumbled her chest. "Oh, girl, you have grown up. I thought that if anything, this guise would fool you. Perhaps I should try harder." The more he spoke, the less he sounded like Sam. By the end of his words all that was left was a sinister booming voice that shook her very core. Sam's eyes changed to a bright white and pointed teeth came barelling from his gums. "Tell me, what gave me away?"

"I _know_ Sam. He would never say that."

Elysium laughed again, this time louder, tossing his head back in amusement. "Oh, dear! That's cute of you.. You think you know him so well, don't you?" His eyes met her again. "You don't even know what he truly thinks of you."

"Shut the fuck up." Sib snapped, baring her teeth at the demon. Elysium's face began to change and the weight beneath her lessened. Soon Dean was grinning up at her, eyes darkening from white to brown.

"Is this better?" Elysium spoke, slowly adapting to the new voice he took on.

"Why are you here? You're supposed to be dead!"

He gave her a questioning look, tipping his head slightly. "Is that in refference to _me_ or Dean?.. Or do you even know about that little.. incident?"

"You know damned good and well I'm talking to you!" Sib practically hissed, knocking her elbow across his chest.

He mouthed an oh, grinning with a parted lips. "So you don't know then? Dean is a dead man walking, girl. The sad part about it is, he didn't think of you not once in that hospital bed. Sipping his last bit of air all he thought of was his wretched father! You didn't even cross his mind!"

Sib freed his hands in a moment of anger, tugging around his throat. "Shut the fuck up and answer me!" She shouted, tossing her fist and clenching her teeth at the impact.

"Oh yes, hit me again." Elysium turned his head to spit the blood from his mouth, his laughter going higher until it mimicked her own. The legs beneath her turned more pliable and curves formed, hair growing out until it shadowed over the pillow. Sib was staring back at her own reflection. "All you're doing is hurting yourself. I could be your salvation."

Sib shook but held her grip, staring herself in the eye. "Fuck you."

"Well, that would be a little bit odd, wouldn't it?.. But I suppose you did enjoy the company of a female before. What was her name?.. Carrie, Claire?.. I forget all but ending her miserable life."

Sib's heart cracked and tore at the seams. She could barely keep herself from losing it. Then when she thought she had control, the voice changed. "Sibby, baby! Why don't you grab me the milk from the fridge!" Sib froze at the sound of Claire's voice ringing through the air. When Elysium saw the look on her face he laughed. "You know she cried out for you one last time before I ripped her heart from her chest? Pathetic little wench deserved-"

Sib held the blade against Elysium's neck, watching the shock cover his features. "Tooth of Belial. Where'd you get that?"

"Under my pillow, you piece of shit. Guess you don't know everything, huh?"

Suddenly Elysium was serious, his guise beginning to fade. His skin became like fine ivory, high cheekbones and narrow eyes of white staring at her in fear. "I don't think you realize-"

"I don't wanna hear it. I'm done talking." She spoke through gritted teeth.

Elysium's mouth dropped at her words.

"Look at me." Sib tipped his head to meet her eyes when he didn't obey her command fast enough. She wanted to see the horror in them, how frightened he was at going back to where he came from. After all Elysium had done, she fucking craved this. Sib ran the blade down his chest and watched the sizzle of flesh, wrapping her fingers around the handle tightly. "I believe this is well deserved, don't you?"

"You foolish girl! You cannot-"

She sliced into the flesh and revelled in the scream of agony coming from his withered throat. "I can't what- kill you? Looks like I'm doing a pretty good job at it right now."

"You don't understand!" He pleaded.

"Yeah, actually, I don't." She paused, looking up at him. "I don't understand why you've hunted me the way you have, but what I do understand is that it ends now. Goodbye, Elysium."

Before he could open his filthy mouth and speak another lie Sib slammed the dagger into his chest and squeezed her eyes shut as the light blared out from the wound.


	6. Don't you leave me

Over the deafening ringing in her ears, she heard screaming. Sib's eyes slammed open and shut again, burning from the blinding light. Everything was covered by the streams of white blaring through the room like miniature bombs. She squinted through the flashes and looked down to find no floor beneath her. Her arms were outstretched at her sides and frozen. No matter how hard she tried she couldn't free herself from whatever was keeping her in the air.

"Sib!"

Her heart stopped at the sound "Sam!" She screamed as loud as she could, her body wracking from the pressure building in the room. "I can't move." Sib closed her eyes tightly at the sound of lights popping. Glass flew down like razors- cracking down on her arms like whips and making her cry out. She hoped he could hear her over the commotion.

"Neither can I! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine." She gritted her teeth and braced herself as a lamp came barreling past her. "Where's Dean?"

"I don't know. Can you see anything?" His voice sounded far away and echoed over the rumbling.

"No!" She looked up and saw the ceiling begin to pull away from itself. "Sam this house is coming down! You gotta get out of here."

"I'm not leaving without you Sib! Just let me think for a second!"

"WE DON'T HAVE A SECOND!" She shouted loudly, her voice cracking. Tears brimmed and burned her eyes like fire. Small pieces of cement were raining down like snow.

Nobody answered, there was just blaring light and a haunting ring. The roof cracked wider and pulled apart, she could hear the sound of sockets bursting and sizzling. There was another shout- one of agony, like someone was being ripped in half and eaten alive.

"Sam!" Sib screamed until her throat was raw and felt like it was bleeding. Around her arms ghosted tendrils; wrapping their way around her arms and bringing them to hang above her head as the floor opened. Heat split out and hit her bare feet, making her raise them as if she'd been burned. "SAM!"

She looked up and saw the light pouring down on her in beams, less painful than that shining from the inside of the room. She tried to pull herself up but there was nothing to grab onto and she was slowly gravitating downwards. Sib looked down again and saw a red glow beginning to illuminate from the cracks in the floor.

Sib figured it out then. Something was trying to save her. She was either dead or dying, and whatever was pulling her up was good. It was trying to help her. The less she fought, the farther she was away from the explosions.

"Cassidy!" Sam shouted over the growing stillness and her tears spilt over in streams. She hadn't heard that name in years.. Not since she was a young girl, before the Winchesters renamed her.

"Heaven."

"It's a trick, Sib. You gotta keep fighting."

Sib smiled. "No, no it's not. I see it. You just have to let go."

There was a flash and for a moment pain didn't exist. The heat below her was gone and she was weightless- her hair swaying in a wind that didn't exist. The noise had died out and everything was peaceful. All that existed was the beam of light flaring down on her.

Before she could reach it the cracks began to close. Sib's smile faded with the light and in a sudden burst it was gone. Sib's vision fogged- her arms fell to her sides and when the dust settled Sib came barreling down to the ground. She hit the floor and as soon as she did the pain came flooding back to her body. When she stood she'd nearly toppled back to the floor.

"Sam?" She dizzily scanned over the room, seeing her answer slouched against a wall too far away with his head down. "Hey!" She shouted, wobbling her way over through the debris and carnage. She was slowed down to a near crawl by the time she got halfway to him and saw that his eyes were closed. Her heart raced with panic and she almost fell over her own feet. Sib pleaded silently into the empty space, knocking her way through glass.

Sib made her way over as best she could, leaning against the wall beside him and nudging him with her foot. "Sammy." She kicked him lightly but to no avail. He was practically lifeless. Sib closed her eyes to keep the room from spinning and the tears from slipping out. "Please.."

More pain hit her when she went to sit- this time in her chest. Sib reached down to press her hand against the ache and felt a slick coat of liquid covering the fabric. Slowly, she brought her fingers up. For a moment everything stopped. There was blood covering her hand and dizzily Sib looked down and saw where it was coming from. Elysium wasn't lying. Her lips parted and she drew in a breath- her hands beginning to shake at the sight of the hole through her chest.

Sib allowed her feet to give way; sliding down the wall and onto the floor. She swallowed the growing lump in her throat, nearly choking on the salty liquid beginning to pass her lips. "Sam." She spoke again, almost gagging on her words and removing the hand from her chest to shake him. "Sammy, please."

She tipped his head back to rest against the wall. She pressed her fingers to his throat, blood smudging across his skin like paint. What little pulse was there was fading. Sib let out a strangled noise, sitting up on her knees and grabbing Sam by the face. "Please, please.." She repeated endlessly.

Blood spilled out from her lips like water and dropped onto Sam's hoodie; staining the fabric an ugly brown. She slapped him weakly and tried to grab at the wall for stability but the blood coating Sib's hand made her slip. Sib rested back against the wall, using what little strength she had to tug him into her lap. "Sammy wake up." Sib gripped onto the front of his clothes, drunkenly slurring her words. She shook him again but it did nothing.

Her fingers shook as they pressed back to his neck and she had to hold her wrist to stabilize herself. Nothing. "Don't you fucking leave me, don't you dare." Sib couldn't keep from crying anymore as she hit against his chest, doing anything in her power to try and wake him up. She wouldn't believe he was gone. She wouldn't settle for letting him die.

"Please." Sib choked out because her throat felt like it was closing. Her vision was blurred but she could still make out the peaceful look on his face when she pulled his hair back. "Sammy come on, please. Just gimme a few minutes. Don't leave me."

Her pleas echoed through the broken home as she put her hand over her chest, fingers slipping over the blood. Her eyes rolled at the strange feeling of her finger poking into the flesh and she gritted her teeth to keep from screaming. She pulled his arm into her lap and pushed up his sleeve, swiping her fingers over his forearm and drawing symbols helplessly as if it would bring him back.

It felt like hours that she sat there trying to wake him until she finally couldn't keep her eyes open anymore. "Sammy.." She spoke groggily, letting her hand fall to her side. As soon as she removed the pressure from her chest she felt the dizziness come back. Sib just didn't care anymore.

What little light was left began to fade as she stroked her hand through his hair, her head lobbing back to rest on the wall. There was so much she wanted to say but there wasn't enough breath left in her lungs or life in her heart. She settled for sorry and let the cold creep up around her.


	7. Unwanted guests

"What the hell happened?"

"I don't know.. I came when I heard the call. By the time I got here the thing had already passed."

"What already passed?"

"I'm not sure. It's no simple demon, though. Look at this."

"What is that?"

"I'm unsure. It looks like some sort of.. lock."

"Then get it off her."

"What?"

"You heard me! Get the fucking thing off her arm! Burn it, cut it, unenchant it, rain dance, pray- whatever you have to do."

"It's not that simple. I need to study, ask around, figure out what we're dealing with. Who knows- it might have some sort of failsafe."

"Failsafe my ass- that's a lock and it's coming off right now!"

"It might kill her, Dean."

"Well she doesn't look like she's doin' too good now, does she, Cas? What other choices do we have?"

"You know what, fine. Give it here. If she dies it's on your hands. I'm not strong enough to bring her back _again_."

Sib flew up at the feeling of hot metal scalding her arm- grabbing onto the wrist holding the weapon. Her vision came back slowly but when it did- she found Castiel staring at her wide eyed. "It's me, Cassidy." He spoke quickly. "You have to lay back down. I need to get this off of you."

"I heard. Where's Sam?" Sib spoke without hesitation, pushing his arm away from her and sitting up. She hissed at the pain in her chest but shook it off- scanning the room quickly with her eyes. He was nowhere. She turned her head back to Castiel and gave him a hard look. "Where. Is. Sam."

"Dean." Cas nearly whispered, tipping his head down to keep his eyes from her.

"Sam isn't back yet." Dean spoke quietly. he too was avoiding eye contact.

"What the hell you mean _not back yet_?" Sib wobbled to stand, turning her head to him with a confused expression. Dean looked tired, worn out like he'd been up for days. Her feet hit the ground and she nearly toppled over. Dean grabbed onto her quickly, steadying her before she could fall.

"You gotta stay here, Sibby.." Dean's voice dropped even lower and he stepped in front of her to keep her from leaving. He couldn't tell if she was angry or not but she sure as hell seemed it. The last thing he wanted to do was piss her off and have her storm out so he stayed gentle with her. "Please. You're not well yet."

"I kinda got that." She spoke through her teeth, giving him one last look before pushing past him. The pressure on her legs was killing her but she didn't care. She needed to find Sam.

Dean was ready to follow her but Cas interjected, whispering something she couldn't hear. For some reason he obeyed but Sib quickly became unlucky when Castiel side stepped her and blocked her path. "Cassidy, if you'd just kindly give me a second, I can explain.."

She stumbled out of Castiel's way, giving his shoulder a pat as she strolled past and began down the hall. "You can talk while I'm walking."

"Cassidy, listen to me." Castiel hurried to catch up to her, looking past her as she glanced into each room.

"I'm listening."

"If I didn't do what I did you'd still be dead right now-"

"And what exactly did you do, Cas?" She flipped her head around, giving him an angry look. His body tensed automatically when her eyes met her room.

"Look, Cassidy.." He hurried out, pressing his hand to her chest to keep her from leaving. "The call I heard was for you- not Sam. When I got here you were gone."

"And I should've stayed that way. Now, one last time- where's Sam."

"He's right in there safe and sound. He's just not.. Sam. Please, just let me explain. You can't-"

Sib pushed him out of the way and went for the door handle. "Cassidy please. You don't wanna go in there."

She stood straight and slammed her foot against the door- sending it off the hinges and flying to the ground. Chunks off ceiling fell from the commotion. Once the debris settled and she could see panic rose to her chest. "Sam." She choked out.

He turned his head back to her, rustling with the ties around his hands. "Cassidy."

Sib pushed past Castiel and into the room, approaching the circle and nearly passing it before Castiel's arms pulled around her. "Sam? That you?"

Sam nodded up at the ceiling and clicked his jaw. She followed his eyes to the seal and immediately tried to shake herself from Castiel's grip. "Unfortunately," Sam paused to sigh, looking back at her. "Unfortunately, no."

"Who _are_ you? Let him go."

"See, that's exactly why I'm even stuck here. The name's Barachiel. It's been a while." He smiled sadly, tipping his head to her.

"Or at least that's what he claims." Castiel whispered into her ear, yanking her back into his grip before she could touch the circle.

"Yes, that is correct, brother. But for some strange reason you've restrained me here, thinking my claims false."

"Barachiel is dead." Castiel glared at him. "I saw him die."

"Well, it seems you saw wrong. I'm quite alive, Castiel." He chuckled, knocking his hand on the wooden chair. "I was assigned to protect Cassidy. That is my duty. And it seems.." He squinted his eyes and leaned back. "That you've clearly stolen my job."

"I came bacause I was called. Where were _you_?"

"I believe I was busy fighting for her soul then. Sadly, she denied me and died. You came and disallowed my help, strapped me to a chair before I could finish healing her and stole my job. If anything; I should be mad at you."

"What help are you possessing Sam?" Castiel whispered quite loudly, looking towards the busted door to make sure Dean wasn't present. "How am I to believe you are Barachiel?"

"Sam was growing cold and I couldn't enter the room for some strange reason. So I stoned two birds at once.." Barachiel's smiled dropped and he furrowed his brows in confusion. "..That _is_ the term, right?"

"What do you mean you couldn't enter?" Sib spoke up, finally stilling herself.

"I was physically unable to enter, just as how I'm unable to leave this _blasted_ circle right now." Barachiel gave Castiel a filthy look before turning to Sib. "So I did what I had to. I jumped into Sam to get in here so I could save you."

"Why not use me instead? Why Sam?"

"I could of." He dropped his head. "But I am _your_ gaurdian, Cassidy.. not Sam's. You were more important for me to save than him."

"So what? When you leave he dies?"

Barachiel said nothing, keeping his head low and eyes closed. That was his answer- she was staring at a ghost.

"How could you?" Sib nearly shouted, her lips quivering and legs shaking as she pryed at Castiel's hands. "Both of you! How could you?"

Castiel pulled her back against him before she could get away, resting his head on her shoulder. "Cassidy, please.."

"No-" she snapped, trying to pull herself free- kicking her legs and smashing her elbow to his side. "No, you let him die!"

"I'm sorry. I did everything I could." Someone spoke up- she didn't know who. Her vision was blurry and her body was on fire from the exertion.

"How could you?" She was crying and screaming it over and over.

Castiel turned her to him and wrapped his arms back around her. Sib sobbed loudly through her words, repeating things over and over as she pounded on him. She said things like "take me instead" and "I hate you"- things that made Castiel feel worthless. He stood still though and endured her beating, held her as tightly as he could whispering shaky apologies into her hair until she was exhausted.

"Castiel, allow me freedom." Barachiel said finally. He sounded ashamed of himself. Hearing Sam's voice had made Sib cry again.

"How can I trust that you are truly who you say, that you won't harm us if I free you?"

"Because I will prove it." Barachiel smiled to Castiel sadly. "Because I am your brother, because I am her guardian.. Because I've failed and I wish to grant peace."

Castiel gave Barachiel a stern look before turning to Sib. He pulled away from her, bringing her face up to meet his. "Will you be well to leave for a moment? If my judgement is wrong I don't want you to be harmed."

Sib could only nod, looking at Barachiel from the corner of her eye. "I believe him."

"And you're sure of this?"

"Ask him about the nunnery." She grabbed onto his wrists to steady herself. "You are the only two that have the answer."

Castiel gave a single nod, closing his eyes and kissing her forehead. "Just stay close. We've not told Dean yet and I wish to tell him myself."


	8. I can make you forget

It seemed like hours she sat waiting for Castiel's call. She was froze, leaning against the wall in the hallway staring at the opposite one. The house resembled exactly how she was feeling- broken and empty. Her legs had long grown numb and her chest was still encased in fire. She rubbed the mark on her arm, examining the blood on her hands. Some of it was his.

Sib heard footsteps finally, her head turning up to see Barachiel standing near the doorway of her room. He was rubbing his wrists and looking down at the floor. Castiel came past him, walking over to her and giving a gentle smile.

"Come." He spoke, holding out his hand to help her from the floor. Once she was up he looked back to the room as if to signal her. Her feet wouldn't move. She didn't want to be anywhere near Barachiel. "Come on." Castiel spoke again, this time sterner, tightening his grip on her hand.

She followed him, keeping her head down. It hurt too much to see Sam. Cas let her go and approached Barachiel, gripping his shoulder and saying something inaudible. Barachiel nodded and looked to her. "I wish to speak with her in private."

"It is her choice whether she wants to speak with you or not."

"I will." Sib cut in, turning her head up to meet his finally. The pain on her face was apparant; her brows were knitted and her lips pursed to hide the frown. Her eyes were puffy from crying and the bruises stood out on her paling skin.

"Are you sure?"

"I'll be fine, Cas." Sib spoke quietly. She didn't take her eyes off Barachiel.

Castiel hid his shock. "I'll be down the hall with Dean if you need me." He turned his head slightly over his shoulder. "Let me know when you're ready to leave from here."

Barachiel nodded, parting from the wall when Castiel passed him to go back to the livingroom. They stood there in silence for the longest time, Sib glancing down at her wound. Barachiel was still fiddling with his wrists that were bruised from the restraints. After the longest time he dropped his arms to his sides, bringing his gave up to meet her. "What did he call you?"

Sib swallowed. "Sib. He called me Sib."

"Is that shorthand for Sidney?"

"No.. It's an acronym." His brow raised and he squinted at her. "An acronym; each letter stands for a word."

"May I have an example?"

"Know what a car is?" She leaned back, crossing her arms over her chest. Barachiel nodded. "Well, there's a brand called Mazda. There's this real funny acronym for it, too: Made At Zoo by Demented Apes. Or uh, Dodge: Dead on Day Gaurantee Expires."

He gave her a strange look; and then he grinned. Sam's laughter flittered through the air like music and for a moment she forgot Barachiel even existed and started laughing, too. "Remember when Dean was rolling them off at every car we drove past?" She spoke between giggles, holding her heart to try and drive the pain away. Then it hit her that he wouldn't remember because he wasn't Sam. The laughter died and Sib's smile fell just as quickly as it came. "Sorry."

Barachiel approached her, putting his hand on her back. "Don't be. This is my fault."

"You're right- it is." She slipped out of his embrace and glared. "I was supposed to die, not him."

"What does Sib stand for." He blatantly ignored her comment, looking at her in curiousity. For a moment her anger subdued and she remembered just how she got her name.

"According to Dean or Sam?"

"What's the difference?"

Sib turned her head to him. "You ask a lot of questions don't you, Barachiel?"

"It's in my nature to do so." He gave a shrug, smiling a little. "Please tell me."

"Sassy intellectual beauty, according to Sam. According to Dean the S stands for sensual- whatever the shit that's supposed to mean."

He thought for a minute, or at least feigned it before giving her a big goofy smile. "Suppose I can see that. What about your definition?"

"Stupid ignorant bitch."

Barachiel gave a surprised look, taken back by her agressivenss towards herself. Then he laughed. "Joking aside, Cassidy, what do really think of yourself?"

She pondered it for a minute before shrugging. "No idea."

"I can surely think of a few more of these acronyms for you." He spoke and brought her face up gently to examine her better.

Barachiel marveled at how the dim light hit her eyes and made them shine. He wondered if Sam had realized how they changed from blue to green depending on which way she turned her head and the direction of the lighting. He wondered if he'd noticed how the shadows cast on her cheeks, defining her jaw and giving her this strong look. Then he realized he was staring, how she pursed her lips and dimples appeared. Her eyes narrowed, arched brows lowering significantly.

"Yes?" Sib muttered, slightly taken aback by the concentrated look on his face. He immediately shook himself out of it and looked away.

"Nothing. I was just pondering something."

She snorted. "Of course you were. It's in your nature, is it not?"

"Yes, but.." Barachiel smiled. his brows rising and hair falling down in front of his face. After a moment of looking at her he'd completely lost track of what he was saying and laughed at himself. "I apologize. I forgot that the host's feelings carry over sometimes."

"What?"

He let her go and turned heel, beginning into the room he came from. "Come."

And with that she followed, not even second guessing. Her feet seemed to move on their own. Once they were inside he turned and looked at the door on the floor. "Hm." And with that he picked it up and leaned it against the doorway- granting them a moderate amount of privacy.

"Barachiel," Sib started but when he turned to her she saw pain in his eyes and stopped herself.

"Cassidy-" He paused and closed his eyes, running his tongue over his lips. "Sib." He corrected. "I pray you didn't listen to the lies of Elysium."

Sib tipped her head slightly, her lips parted as if to speak but no words came out. Barachiel stepped towards her and pressed his hands to her face with a smile. "He did love you."

Her mouth twitched slightly, her eyelids falling heavy. "That isn't yours to say. How would you know?"

"Because I feel it." He chuckled. Barachiel figured that he must've looked crazy to her and sounded it, too. He brought her hands into his, leaning down slightly to meet her eyes. "Sib, if you'd like I can stay for a while. Perhaps it'll help you.. It's the least I can do. When you wish me to I'll leave a note on the table and be gone. Dean will think his brother has abandoned you both. He'll be angry- not destoryed. It won't break him as knowing the truth would."

Sib took a deep breath, measuring the weight of his hands in hers. It was so familiar that she wanted to forget and think Sam was still there. The deal was tempting, it really was. Sib knew in her heart though that he wasn't Sam, though, and if Barachiel stayed it would be hell for her. "Yes." She spoke quietly, closing her eyes. She was ashamed of herself yet again. She felt like she was betraying Dean. "Just know that I'm only doing this for Dean. You have to act the part."

Barachiel seemed somewhat relieved but saddened all at once. "I will do my best."

She turned her head up finally. When his hand came to brush the tears away she jerked away from him, rubbing her hand across her face on her own. "Don't make this harder." Sib ran her fingers over her forehead, squeezing her eyes shut tightly. "Don't get attached." She didn't know if she was speaking to him or herself.

He couldn't make sense of what she said. Barachiel really did want to help her, honestly, not just because he felt as though he had to, or that he must play his part. He pressed his hand to her shoulder, turning her to him as gently as he could. "I can make you forget who I truly am."

"Why would you do that?"

"Dean is lucky to be blissfully unaware.. I would think you'd wish to be the same. If so I can make you forget."

"No." She shook her head to chase off the dizziness, reaching up to grip his arm and steady herself. "I don't want to think he'd leave."

"I'm not strong enough to take away your memory permanently. It would only last a little while."

"Why would you even bother?"

He watched her rub her eyes, bringing her back to face him. Sib sniffled and her jaw tensed. To Barachiel she practically looked half dead. "Because you didn't deserve this. It seems I made a mess of things for you and if I can do anything to correct it, I will."

"Do it."

"It'll take a few minutes to start working." Barachiel brought his hands to her face. The way she tipped her head up slightly and her eyes half closed made it hard to focus. There was blood on her and she was shaking, crying and trembling in his hands. She was a mess. It was almost without thought that he found his lips on hers. He didn't know if he did it for himself or her. Whatever emotion his host had carried over somehow. Or was it Barachiel's own sympathy, affections towards her twisted by the situation? He didn't know until he parted, and even then he second guessed it.

"You know everytime I've kissed him, it's been someone else." She spoke, her voice thick with sadness and her eyes opening slowly.

He could feel the pain swelling in his chest at the sight of her. How could he fail so badly? "Quiet." Barachiel muttered, catching a small tear with his thumb. "Give it a moment."


	9. Speak for the dead

_a/n; Because with the heaviness of things, I think a little humor is in order. Luckily Barachiel is really quirky._

* * *

Barachiel was completely drained after channeling the last of his energy into Sib. He was sitting on the destroyed bed, watching her patiently as she sat on the desk staring at him. "How long is this meant to take?"

"It shouldn't be too much longer. Just stop thinking." He sighed, flopping down. Dust rose from the motion and clouded around him- making him cough and swing his hands around as if to chase it off. Sib began laughing. "Hush, girl. I'm not used to this body. It can't-" He sneezed. "withstand these bastardly speckles of agony."

"It's called debris. Came from the ceiling." She pointed and kicked her leg up, smiling a little. "And last time I checked, I was the one allergic to everything."

"Really?" He looked over at her, leaning up on his elbows and flipping the hair from his eyes. "Are you allergic to rain?"

Her eyes widened. "Oh, of course not! I love rain."

"Didn't you just say you were allergic to everything?" Baraciel raised an eyebrow, mouth slack. She didn't know what was funnier, the expression he had or his lack of knowledge on human language.

"It's just an expression. I am allergic to grass, pollen, dander and seafood, though."

"That's hardly everything." He snorted at her and laid back down, this time careful not to disturbed the dust. "So, Sib. How did you meet my brother?"

And suddenly there was a click. Her whole tone and demeanor changed- her body was lighter despite the half-way healed hole in her chest and the weight off her heart was gone. "_Dean_? Sam, you were there." She nearly giggled it and Barachiel sat up as quickly as he could. That's what he was waiting so patiently for- her to forget he existed. Part of him was happy that it worked, but the other was, well.. He didn't really know why he was so sad about it.

"Yeah, you're right." He shook his head, smiling to himself more than at her. "So, uh-"

"What in the living shit!" Her eyes scanned the room- widening more and more. Her mouth dropped and she jumped off the desk, Barachiel came running to stabilize her wobbling. This was going down hill quickly. "My room. Oh my God. My room!"

"Sib," he chuckled nervously, bringing his hand up to ruffle his hair. "You really don't remember?"

"Not a damned thing." She replied without hesitation, walking out of his grip and through the chaos that was her room. "Oh my! My posters! My lamp! What the fuck, Sam?"

"Cassi- Sib- Sibby," he rattled off quickly, scurrying behind her and kicking chunks of cement along the way. "You don't remember? There was an earthquake."

Her brows furrowed and she turned to him. "An _earthquake_?"

"Yeah. An earthquake. You hit your head. Lost conciousness. It was really, _really_ bad." Barachiel was shaking. _Don't look down, don't look down. _He repeated in his head, hoping that somehow he'd telepathically transport that thought into her head and keep her from seeing the cut in her shirt, all the blood, the hole in her chest.. This could get so much worse so fast. "Speaking of which, are you alright?"

She shook her head, rubbed it, closed her eyes and opened them again. "Yeah. Yeah I'm fine. Are you?"

"Oh, yeah! Completely fine. Not even a scratch."

"Are you sure, Sam? You don't look too good." Sib pressed her hand to his forehead, then to his cheek. What was she even doing? He grabbed her hand quickly and smiled as big as he could.

"Sib, I'm fine. I'm just worried about you."

Sib smiled too after a second, sighing. "I'm okay. Where's Dean?"

"He's.. He went out. To get milk. You know, good old Dean, always.. helping." Barachiel could feel sweat beggining to stick his hair to forehead. God, he should've thought this through. Sib raised an eyebrow at him. Then she laughed.

"You.. are something else. You _sure_ you're okay?"

He raised his arms up dramatically. "Totally. Everythings cool. Just really tired."

"Oh." She mumbled something he couldn't hear, looking down at the ground before meeting his gaze again. "Well. My rooms a little.. trashed. Since he's not home we can camp out in there."

And with that she was off and he was chasing after her. "Hey, hey Sib." He grabbed her and sent her spinning back into his arms. "That's.. probably not the best idea. I don't want him to think somethings up. You know, plus his room is just as bad."

"And yours?"

"Mine is the worst. I can't even get in there. Stuff is just _everywhere_." He cautiously moved to block her from leaving. "Why don't we just stay here? I mean, we could just dust off the bed."

"Eh. Allergies. It'll drive me crazy. Couch it is." She gave a big grin, gently sliding his hand off of her waist and dragging him to the door. "Huh."

Before Barachiel knew it she was giving him this funny look he couldn't figure out to save his life. If not for being so scared, it would've made him laugh. "What?"

"Try doing some rennovating or something?" She motioned to the door, smirking all lopsided.

"Uh. yeah." He laughed again, all off key and comepletely _wrong_. Even he knew this Sam wouldn't ever laugh like that. "I just thought you know, didn't know if you wanted your space or not."

"You barricaded yourself in here with me. If you wanted me to have space you totally took the wrong approach."

"Guess I did." He shrugged, trying to nudge his way past her to block the door. "Really, I just wanted to watch over you. I uhm." Barachiel swallowed hard when he saw the totally purposeful frown on her face.

"You were worried." Sib brought her hand to his shoulder to hold him in place so she could brush the hair out of his face. "I'm sorry. If it was my choice I would've not gotten knocked out."

"Who would ever choose to be knocked out?"

"Well, probably really stupid people." Her mouth quirked up and she stared for a second. It was making him nervous. _Don't look over there, don't do that, don't look at me _seemed to be his whole thought process. She pulled away from him after a moment, looking just as jittery. "Anyway."

And with that the tiny, fragile thing was picking up the door and sliding it over, shimmying her way out of the small opening she made. "How in God's grace.." Barachiel found himself saying aloud. He was shocked and awfully impressed with her strength, but really he had no time to compliment her. Right now she was doing something that could get him busted and his whole plan would fall to pieces. He needed to think quickly but Sib seemed to have stopped on her own- halfway through the hole and staring at him like a premature deer.

"Did you just say-"

"Uh, yeah." He looked down, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I heard it on a movie."

Sib looked surprised. "You watched a movie without me? Which one?"

Barachiel's eyes widened. "Uh-" he coughed to cover up his lack of words. "Murder me."

"Huh?"

"The movie was called.. Murder Me."

Sib narrowed her eyes at him, humming softly. "Never even heard of it. Any good?"

"Ah, yeah. It was a little.. painful to watch, though. I wouldn't see it if I were you." He looked into her eyes, praying that she would just let it go.

"Well, alright, Keep that in mind." And with that Sib was back to leaving. Barachiel's heart felt like it was going to combust.

"Sib." Barachiel pulled her back into the room. He gave her waist a death grip and drug her along to pull the door back in place. "You shouldn't."

"What the fuck Sam?" Sib was nearly shouting at him, giving him this real awful look and trying to escape his weighty grip on her. "What's wrong with-"

Barachiel grabbed her face and kissed her hard because, hell, it seemed like the most distracting and viable option. He didn't have any idea how long these human affections were meant to last but he kissed her until he couldn't breathe anymore. Barachiel was nearly panting embarrassingly loud when they split, staring at her with wide eyes and hoping to God she would just stop her fussing. Fortunately, she seemed almost as out of breath as him. _Almost_.

"What was that for?" Sib nearly whispered, eyes still closed and brows knitting in confusion. Somehow her arms had gotten their way around his neck and were pulling him down to her level.

"Just.." He stopped himself, closing his eyes for a second. The little Barachiel had seen of Sam, he'd recalled him being quick on his feet when it came to talking, especially with his brother. He was second guessing himself way too much. "Hell with it, I love you, Sib."

He didn't say it to make her feel better, he said it because he knew Sam loved her. If anything he hoped she'd remember that. Sib sighed, her thin fingers curling around his hair. "I just don't understand why you'd pick right now to do this."

This time Barachiel sighed. "Because with everything that happened tonight I realized our mortality. Because.. At any second, for whatever reason, I could lose you.. and you're all I got aside from my brother. I just don't want to die without you knowing that."

Barachiel heard nothing for the longest time, and when he finally had the guts to open his eyes he found Sib staring at him with the most gentle look in her eyes. "I love you, too. Just.. promise me something."

"Yeah?"

"Don't you ever die on me. I don't think I could lose you. I think I'd kill myself."

Barachiel's heart snapped. He felt like the most sorry excuse for angel. He was supposed to protect her, and if protecting her involved keeping Sam alive, he failed miserably. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I just.. I feel like I let you down."

"Never." Sib brought her hand over to his cheek, bringing him closer to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. "You've never let me down, Sam. You've made me better."

"I.." Barachiel drifted. "I can't promise you that I'm never gonna die, but I can promise you I'll protect you until I do.. and after that."

"Can't you at least lie to me?" She quirked a smile, a sad one. He smiled back a little. God did he feel awful.

"It's not in my nature to lie."

Sib shook her head, bringing him closer. "Then shut up and kiss me before I start crying."

"Suppose I can do that." This human thing wasn't half bad. The affection was actual quite wonderful. And so he kissed her again, just at the worst possible time. Footsteps were coming down the hall and before he knew it the door was coming down like a bag of bricks. The worst part of it all? There was a _very_ angry looking Dean blocking him from the exit.


	10. Everything is wrong

"Sibby, come over here." Dean didn't take his eyes of Barachiel, his teeth grinding down and hands tensing.

"Dean, are you okay?"

"I'm fine, Sib. Just come over here." He held out his hand to her, giving her a stern look. "I gotta talk to you. Alone."

".. Alright." Sib hesitated, and slowly she let go of Barachiel's hand to take a few steps towards Dean. He grabbed her as soon as he could, pulling her into the hallway by her arm like a child that did something wrong.

Sib's eyes were everywhere but where they needed to be and he knew whatever that thing was had done something to her. She seemed like a little child being pulled along by whoever took her hand. Dean held her by the face to stop her eyes from wandering about- he had to practically shake her to get her to look at him. When she finally did, she looked horrified. Something about how he was going about this made him feel _wrong_. He didn't like touching her like that.

"Listen to me." Dean whispered loudly, throat hoarse and words cracking. He might as well have screamed it. He had gotten her attention but she was looking at him like he was a monster. "Sib, listen; that's not Sam."

Sib's mouth dropped slightly and she went to look into the room only to have her face pulled back towards Dean. That's when she noticed how puffy his eyes were, how his mouth moved even when no words were coming out. He looked absolutely drained. "I don't understand-"

"Sib, Sam's dead." With everything going on, he didn't realize how it sounded until her body started trembling. He could've been nicer about it, could've said it differently.

"No!" She shouted, trying to push him away. It was a completely unreal idea to her. She wouldn't hear it.

"Sib you gotta believe us. Cas told me everything- how he tried to save you, how this.. this _thing_ jumped into Sam when he was dying."

"What _thing_? I don't understand."

"Look Sib, I'll explain but right now I gotta go in there and handle this. Can you trust me?"

"Dean-" She pleaded.

"Can you trust me?" He repeated, this time louder. His eyes were wide and he looked like some crazy person to her. Honestly though, Sib couldn't recall a time that Dean was wrong about something. She didn't have a choice but to believe him but she still hoped he was wrong.

"Yes."

"Then stay here with Cas and let me figure out what the hell is going on."

She nodded in his grasp, turning her head to the footsteps to find Cas with his head down- waiting patiently to speak with Dean. Without another word he let her go, storming past Cas, not allowing him to say a word. Sib was about to fall apart and somehow the angel had seemed to sense it.

"Cassidy, come here."

Sib walked slowly, approaching him like she was afraid that he'd hurt her. Cas stepped in front of her, looking up finally. She had never seen him so distraught. "Close your eyes."

Sib listened, feeling his thumb press to her forehead. A whirlwind of pain and memories flashed past her eyelids, everything from Elysium's taunting to the dagger she put through his heart. She saw Sam lifeless on her lap and a pain shot into her chest like she'd been stabbed again. Sib gripped her chest tightly, choking on the pictures that flashed. She saw Castiel, how he'd cared for her and brought her back, how he'd restrained what was no longer Sam to keep him from harming anyone. She saw how he lied to Dean to keep her from feeling his wrath, how mean she was when she woke up and how Barachiel had made her forget all of it so she wouldn't hurt for just a little while longer.

By the time she was done, her feet had given out and she was on the floor gripping her head and grinding her teeth together. Cas stayed crouched beside her, holding her up to keep her from falling on her face. He kept saying how sorry he was but it didn't stop the convulsing, didn't fix the whole in her chest, didn't bring Sam back. Everything felt so hopeless.

"Cassidy, you have to get up. You're going to reopen your wound."

Sib didn't care. Part of her wanted to die and the other half already did. "We have to fix this. We can't just-"

The noise that left her mouth made Cas jump. Obviously he'd spoken too late because she was losing breath and shaking. He leaned her back against his knee and pressed his hand to her chest- feeling the blood begin to seep through. She had tried to say something but it only came out garbled. "Don't talk, you're making it worse. Let me fix it."

They heard the banging in her room and Sib tried to move but couldn't. Cas looked up for only a second before looking back down at her. "Don't worry about that."

Castiel's lips were moving still but she could barely hear him, everything was slow and off track.

"Cas." She tried again, using her shaking hand to hoist herself up a little. He pushed her back down to rest on his lap as gently as he could. She'd think the stern look he gave her impossible, his eyes were always so gentle. "Cas."

"I said don't worry about it. I'm worried about you right now."

"I don't _care_ about me, go get Dean."

"Cassidy-"

She cut him off, pulling him down by his coat. "Go get Dean. Now. I'll be fine."

"No." He jerked to free himself from her grasp, nearly glaring at her. "I'm not going to leave you. I'm going to fix you."

Sib slammed her head back down against it's cushion, closing her eyes tightly when she felt the pull on her shirt. The fabric was stuck to the hole in her chest and he was pulling and ripping skin. She hissed and gripped onto him to keep from passing out. "Please go. I wanna see Dean."

"You'll see him when you're better."

"Cas," she spoke with heavy breathing over the sound of fabric ripping. The air hitting the fresh blood made her shiver and kick her foot against the floor. "You're going to kill yourself. I saw what happened-"

"I'll be fine." Cas tugged the halfway ripped shirt down her arm and eyed her. "Can you stay still?"

She gave him a strange look, she hadn't realized she was fidgeting. She dropped her arm and gave a single nod. He looked awkward for a moment, going for the bloodied patch of skin before rearing his hand back. "Can you.. do something about that?"

Sib tipped her head down slightly to see what the commotion was about and sighed. "Really." And with that she lifted the left cup of her bra to un-stick it from her skin, folding it slightly so he could see the cut better. "What did you do when I was knocked out earlier?"

"I had Dean do it."

Sib rolled her eyes despite her pain. "The innocence of you is almost disturbing."

"Hush." Cas muttered under his breath, leaning over her a little and pressing his hand down on the spot. She immediately grimaced. It burned. She knocked her feet on the floor and tried to grip at anything to keep from moving her torso- the hand that wasn't death-gripping Cas sliding on the ground like a fish out of water.

"Fucking shit!" Sib hissed and slammed her head against his leg, closing her eyes tightly.

"I'm not even doing anything yet!" He whispered back loudly.

"The hell you're not!" And then it dawned on Sib. Her eyes came flashing open to stare at him. "Wait, is this gonna hurt?"

"A little bit. It'll hurt less if you don't move." He sighed, pushing the hair from her face so he could look her in the eye. "If you start feeling tired you tell me, Cassidy."

That didn't sound good at all. She swallowed. "Yeah, okay." Why was she breathing so heavy? She didn't remember that pinching tightness in her chest a moment ago. Cas closed his eyes and for a moment there was peace. Maybe it was from seeing him calm down.

Then there was an unbearably strong pain in her chest that hit like a flash of lightening- burning her from the inside out and making her cry out. Cas pressed his hand closer to keep her down and still the shaking, his face absolutely pale from the sound. Her vision was fogging quickly and her head was swaying, her nails grinding into the ground. The agony seemed to last forever.

He stopped only when her eyes rolled back, allowing her to catch her breath and gently shaking her to keep her awake. "Cassidy, you alright?"

"No." Sib practically hissed.

"What the hell is going on?" She could hear Dean over the ringing of her ears. She turned her head up slightly, watching him kneel beside her. "What's going on?"

"She reopened her wound."

"Shit," he hissed to himself, bringing his hand to his mouth. "You alright?"

"No." Sib spoke again, trying to focus on the face in front of her. "I'm telling you, Cas." She hoped to God he knew what she meant.

"Alright, hold on." He looked towards Dean, holding her up. "Can you keep your eye on her for a minute?"

"What do I need to do?" Dean pulled her over to him as Cas let go, resting her halfway onto his lap.

Cas was already halfway gone down the hall before he answered. "Keep her awake."


	11. No one left behind

Sib was getting tired of passing out and waking up to more bad news. This time when she opened her eyes though, everything seemed to be in order for the most part. There was no screaming, crashing or banging. Just an unhinging silence. She opened her eyes slowly and spotted Cas first, leaning against the wall in front of her and speaking words she was having trouble hearing. Dean had chipped in something, and from there she looked to see that he was her pillow.

"Are you feeling any better?" Castiel had spoke but all she could do was nod. Slowly Sib moved from Dean's lap, running her hand across her chest. Nothing. She pulled her shirt down a little and saw just bare skin- not even tainted by blood. There was a small scar but it was well enough faded to where she could barely see it with her bad vision.

"Even if you probably shouldn't go moving again." Dean mumbled from behind her before her feet could hit the floor. She turned her head slightly, automatically spotting the bottle he was nursing.

"I know." She grunted at turning to sit beside him, holding her hand out expectantly. "Drink please."

Dean gave her a strange look, the alcohol still sloshing around in it's container even after he stopped moving it.

"That's not the best idea-"

Cas had tried to stop her but Dean had already handed the bottle over and Sib was pouring it down her throat like she hadn't had a drink of anything in days. She passed the bottle back once she was satisfied, swallowing hard and grimacing a little at the burn in her throat.

After a few moments of silence, Dean had chose spoke up. "So who the hell wants to explain what just happened."

Cas had began to speak but she stopped him. "I will."

Dean tipped his bottle towards her without even a glance. "All ears."

So Sib started talking, the words coming out of her mouth before she could even think them through. Castiel would ocassionally add something she didn't quite yet remember, but other than that she had her ground covered. Sib spoke until she couldn't remember anymore, until Dean raised his hand to stop her, taking the poison to his lips. It had killed her to see him drink again but she knew it was the only think keeping him from killing anyone.

"What I'm wondering is how you ended up stabbing yourself instead of Elysium." He spoke finally, sucking down the last of the whiskey and tossing the bottle. The sound made her body tense. Dean just didn't seem to give a shit anymore, she could see it on his face.

"No idea." Sib spoke, turning her head down. "When I stabbed him there was a light."

Castiel's ears seemed to perk up at that. "What kind of light, Cassidy?"

"A bright white light.."

Cas' mouth dropped a little and he came closer to the two of them with a questioning look on his face. "Like the light of an angel?"

Sib turned her head up slowly to him, her mouth as slack as his. "Yeah." She dropped off the table quickly, running her hand over her hair with a horrified look. "How come I didn't realize this sooner?"

"Well for one you were pretty messed up, second that bastard took your memory and last but not least- it's not important." Dean mumbled. She turned to the sound of a lighter. Was he really smoking?

"The hell it ain't important! I killed an angel."

"No, you killed a bad guy. And if you wanna be real technical, you didn't even kill it. You killed yourself." He gave her a look she couldn't decode, bring the cigarette to his lips. Sib turned from him and began pacing.

"This still doesn't make any sense." She muttered, rubbing her forehead and taking the cigarette from Dean when she passed. She could've sworn he said _what the hell_ but she didn't otherthink it. She couldn't help but wish Sam were there. He would've figured this out long ago.

"Yes, it actually does." Castiel put his hand out as if to signal her to stop her moving and focus on him. "Did Elysium say anything to you? Before you stabbed him?"

Rememberance flashed through her eyes and they widened. "Yeah. Yeah he did, actually. He said all I was doing was killing myself. Then when I went to kill him," she grimanced, closing her eyes tightly for a second, "he said something like.. you don't realize what you're doing. He was terrified."

"Course he was. Hell ain't that pretty."

Cas gave her a strange look, walking past her twice before stopping and looking her in the eyes. "You're an angel."

"What?" Sib practically blurted in unison with Dean. "There's no way. You saw me! I just.. died!"

"I know, I know. But hear me out," Cas grabbed her arm, pulling up her sleeve to reveal some sort of mark. "This is a seal. He kicked you out of your body and stole it."

"That doesn't explain how I was fighting him."

"Angels can leave their bodies. You weren't in one. You were practically.. a ghost, an entity. When you "killed" Elysium, you-" Cas paused, licking his lips. "you knocked him back out. Since he was gone you went back to your body. Sadly it was already dying and it killed you."

Sib was standing there numb. It made sense. That scared her. "What about after? I was floating. There was a light above me, the floor was cracking."

"You didn't tell me that." Cas spoke, narrowing his eyes at her.

"Didn't have the chance to. Now, why did that happen?"

"Maybe.." Cas let her go, tipping his head slightly. "Maybe Elysium hadn't left yet then. Maybe you jumped back into your body to protect it and I don't know, possibly because the body was dying and there were two hosts within it, it caused some friction? Maybe the demons and angels were trying to seperate the two of you."

"I.." Sib swallowed hard, sitting down against the closest wall. "I need a minute."

"So let me get this straight, Sib is an angel? Why doesn't she have wings- didn't get the all in one package?"

"Dean-" Cas gave him a reprimanding look, head tipped and eyes hard. "I'm getting to that if you'd give the girl a moment. She's been through a lot."

"Doesn't matter. This is- none of this matters." Sib shook her head a little, rocking back. "We _need_ to focus on Sam. We have to find a way to get him back."

"Cassidy," Castiel dropped his head, closing his eyes with a sigh. "Sam is gone. There's nothing we can do now. We've waited too long."

"To hell with that. We're gonna find a way." Dean glared back at Cas. "And if you don't wanna help so be it but me and Sib are going to do everything we can to get Sammy back. We don't leave family behind like that, not without trying."

"I never said-"

Dean cut him off, standing up and nodding Sib over. "Then come on. We're going to go find out what Barachiel knows. Maybe once Sam's back will figure out what's up with wingless over here."


	12. A winged hostage

_a/n; Yeah, I know. The chapters are pretty short. That's only because they're meant to be, not because I'm lazy. Just trust me here. Also, as a side note. I'm really liking Barachiel's whole personality. Am I the only one who thinks I should keep him around? Isn't he.. fun?.._

* * *

"Do you know how tired I am of being held hostage?" Barachiel spoke with raised brows, shaking the ties off his wrists and letting them fall as he stood from the chair. He went to pass the circle but froze at the line. ".. And I thought you were letting me go." He looked a little scared, eyeing the three obviously distressed people in front of him.

"We aren't letting you go." Castiel spoke up, looking over at Dean with weary eyes. The whole room was tense but if anyone was gonna pop off it would likely be Dean. Castiel would have to keep his eye on him for the remainder of the evening, make sure he wasn't going to do anything. "You're going to help us get Sam back. We went over this."

"Yeah, yeah, I get it." Barachiel circled around the barrier, eyes up at the ceiling. Then he sighed heavily. "Can't really do much from this prison."

Castiel nudged Sib's arm, nodding her on. She took a step forward, her toes hitting the fine line seperating her from Barachiel. "Might wanna put your head down." Sib spoke, waiting for the strange look to appear on his face. Just as she had guessed, there was that _bitch what?_ face Sam used to give her. She hid her smile by tipping her head down. "Trust me."

Barachiel listened, knocking the chair that he spent the last so many hours tied to out of the way and standing there with his head down. Sib raised her arm and looked to the seal above him, twisting her fingers slightly to the right and watching the ceiling bust. Barachiel jumped a little at the sound and raised his arms to cover his face as cement rained down on him.

After the dust had settled Sib nudged her foot to break the circle, beckoning the man out- or at least attempting to. He stood petrified.

"God's grace you could've warned me!" Barachiel shouted, moving his hands from his face to glare at her. Sib just shrugged.

"I did."

"And hey- how did you even do that?" He looked up to see what she'd done, dodging the remnants that came tumbling down at him. "I mean, I knew you were strong but-"

"Sib's.. gifted." Dean finished, looking over at her with a raised brow. How did Castiel know of her being able to do that before him? That could've been helpful.

"Yeah, I'd say." Barachiel muttered under his breath, dusting himself off. He eyed the circle and stuck a foot out, then the other. Barachiel spent over a moments worth stretching, slamming his feet on the floor to shake off the pins and needles feeling and cracking his neck. He turned his gaze to the trio to find them all staring at him expentantly, and out of nervousness patted his legs and looked around the room. "Well hello not so free freedom."

Everyone ignored Barachiel's comment. Dean took a step closer to Sib as if she wouldn't notice. She looked at him from the corner of her eye. He had this whole protective thing going on that sorta made it feel like they were still together. She didn't know if she was happy or pissed about that yet. "Where we headed?" She spoke finally, dropping her suspicious look when Dean looked at her.

Barachiel furrowed his brows, tipping his head a little. "Am I supposed to know.. or is this a trick question?"

Before another word could be said Dean was grabbing him by the front of the shirt and giving him this _I'm going to kill you_ look that even made Sib a little freaked out. "No, it's not a trick question, dumbass. Why'd you think I let you out?"

"Dean-" Sib put her arm over his chest, trying to push them apart. "Let him go. He can't tell us anything if he's dead."

Dean gave a crooked smirk, shaking his head. "You're starting to sound like him, you know that right?"

"That's because Sam's been right this far for telling you that. Don't be fucking stupid, let him go." Sib nearly snapped, pushing at his chest with her arm and giving him a glare. He looked at her and jerked his hand back, taking a step back with his hands raised in defense.

"Fine. You get the information then, Misses President. Let's see how far being diplomatic gets you."

Sib was completely determined to do just that. She turned to Barachiel and placed her hand on his shoulder, leaning in the catch his gaze. "You alright?"

"Just peachy." Barachiel responded through gritted teeth, still giving Dean a dirty look.

"Look, the sooner you help us, the sooner you can leave." Sib spoke gently, her voice almost a whisper. Her eyes were soft and locked on his, making it was hard to deny her anything. Maybe she was an angel. "Now, what do we need to do to get Sam back?"

"We need a bunch of angels, that's what."

"Well, we got three already." Dean cut in, shoving his hands in his pockets. Sib turned her head down when she saw  
Barachiel's face.

"Something you're not telling me, Cassidy?"

"Nope. Just found out myself." She looked back up at Barachiel finally, kicking tiny pieces of cement with her toe. "How many angels are we talking?"

"A bunch. I'm talking a dozen at least- maybe more. Who knows." Barachiel rubbed his neck, tipping his head down to look at her sideways. "You're _really_ an angel? Why didn't I get that memo?"

"Dunno, heaven doesn't seem to be very up to speed. This one doesn't even have her feathers yet." Dean chuckled, poking Sib's shoulder. She reared her elbow back into his side and smiled when she heard the grunt.

"Bitch." Dean had growled, nursing his ribs and she could feel him glaring at the back of her head.

"Asshole." Sib replied, still looking at Barachiel. "So where are we going?"

"I might know someone who can help." Castiel had finally spoke up and it made Sib jump. She'd almost forgotten that he was there. "Why don't we get some rest and head out tomorrow morning before the sun rises?"

"Hell no. We're going now." And before Sib could even interject she heard the door close and Dean was gone. Sib turned back to the two non-human men before her. Stares were passed around like halloween candy and the silence was awkward.

"So.." Barachiel started back up after a few minutes, flipping his hair from his face with a too big smile. "I was thinking it would be a good idea to start our own little club, Just the three of us out on the open road looking for adventure-"

"No." Cas and Sib spoke in unison, knocking Barachiel off his high horse and back to reality. He looked a bit like an injured puppy.

"Woah! Well then. Alright.. just throwing that out there." He made some strange hand gesture at the two of them. "If you ever change your minds, you know where to find me."

"We'll do that." Sib gave a smile, patting his shoulder once before starting after Dean. Cas followed her and behind the two of them came Barachiel- practically running to catch up.

This was going to be a fun roadtrip.


	13. To the edge of the Earth

Sib sat awkwardly beside Barachiel in the back of the impala. Her front seat pass had been revoked so Cas could give Dean directions to wherever they were heading. Everything just felt so honestly _wrong_. Barachiel was the only one who seemed content in the silence but Sib knew that there was usually music- and Sam. Sam was always there. Now she was just accompanied by his corpse that was way too close for her to not think about.

"Hey Sib."

Sib jerked at the whisper in her ear, turning her head to Barachiel. He was leaning into her face, eyes wide and pupils dilated. He was like a little kid stuck in the body of a grown man, and for all she knew, he could've been a child. She'd never seen Barachiel's real body- didn't even know if he had one. "Yeah?" She mumbled, leaning away from the crazed look in his eyes.

"I'm hungry."

And she sighed. Loud. Dean turned his head back. Cas stopped speaking, his hand lowering from where it's direction-pointing position. Sib swallowed. "He's hungry." She informed the duo nervously, fidding with the frayed strings on her jeans.

Dean shook his head, looking at her through the rearview. "Too bad. He can wait."

"Actually," Cas looked over at Dean, "I think it's a good idea that we stop to eat. We've driven five hours straight already."

"Too bad. We're not stopping."

Sib heard her own stomach growl at the talk of food, her head turning down to look at the floor when Dean slammed on the breaks. "Damn it, Sib!"

"It's not my fault!" She whispered as if the sudden quietness would change anything. She looked over at Barachiel who seemed to be watching her intently. She quickly turned to stare at the back of Dean's chair. "Just.. ignore it."

"No, no," Barachiel intejected, shaking his head wildly. "Majority rules."

"Majority doesn't rule. This is my car. This is a dictatorship." Dean spoke louder, glaring at the road ahead as stepped on the gas. "Don't like how things are ran here in _my_ car, get out."

Sib looked over to Cas. His eyes were wide and he kept nodding his head towards Dean, moving his mouth and making no sound as if he was trying to tell her something. Sib felt a tug on her jacket and turned her head to Barachiel. He had the same expectant look on his face, nudging her towards Dean with doe eyes.

"You know what-" Sib blurted, knocking Barachiel's hand from it's grip on her jacket. "Stop the car."

Dean looked at her with a raised brow, slowing down a little. Before the impala even came to a full stop she threw her door open and jumped out- the slight motion making her feet spread to keep her from losing balance. Sib shut the door behind herself, turning to the road and walking without even giving an explaination.

Before she could get a few steps ahead of the impala Dean was cruising next to her, arm out the window and moving frantically to usher her over. She ignored it. "Sib!" He practically hissed, glaring at her. Dean sounded like a dad with an out of control teenager on his hands. "Sib _get_ in the car!"

Sib didn't answer, speeding up her pace and following the line on the asphalt. Dean slammed his foot on the gas- then the brakes- sending the impala to her side in one swift move. "Cassidy Winchester, you get your hot little ass in this car right now before I make you."

She couldn't help but chuckle. Sib turned her eyes towards him to find his head halfway leaning out of the window and giving her a dirty look. "Cassidy!" He whispered again loudly.

"No." Sib spoke finally, raising her head and shoulders like a priss. Before she could get any further she was being pulled back by her jacket.

"I wasn't asking."

She pulled herself from him, leaving her jacket in his hands and walking again. Behind her the car door opened. Before she could even turn around she was being tossed over Dean's shoulder and carried to the impala kicking and screaming. He opened the car door with one hand to gently setting her down, slamming the door closed once she was in and hopping back in the drivers seat. Sib crossed her arms over her chest and glared at him when she heard the locks engage.

Dean turned around to her- his jaw tense and eyes plastered to hers. "You do that again I'm putting you in the trunk. Got it?"

Sib nodded.

"Good. Now, if there isn't anything else." Dean's eyes went around the car, glaring at everyone and causing a silence. No one said a word, everyone just kept their head down. "Just what I thought." And with that he put his eyes back on the road and began driving again.

It was what felt like hours before anyone said a damned word or even breathed, but in actuality it had only been minutes. Barachiel fidgetted beside her, scooting closer to Sib until she was practically smooshed against the car door. He leaned forward with the most whining childish look she'd ever seen. "I'm hungry."

Dean just sighed. "You know what, fine. We'll stop at the next place we see."

Cas grumbled something unintelligable, moving in his seat. Sib just stared and Barachiel leaned back with a satisfied smile. Sib made a mental note to never travel again with angels. It was just bad. This had to be the worst, most painfully long ride she'd ever been on in this lifetime or the last.

Throughout the drive she kept looking around- each time her eyes came to Barachiel she would stiffen because he was always looking at her. _Always_. He had this mix of curiousity and adoration written on his face, lips pulled together and eyes looking at her with a certain gentleness that only could come from Sam. Her last scan of the car's interior was roughly five minutes ago. Sib peeled her eyes from the back of Dean's chair to look around again. She did it cautiously, trying not to move her head and let Barachiel know she was staring.

As soon as her eyes reached him he leaned forward towards her face. That's around the time she noticed Barachiel had the same wandering innocence in his eyes that Cas had. "Hey."

"Hey back." She muttered, looking around to fine Dean casually watching them from the mirror. She could see how his hands tensed on the wheel. He wasn't over her like he claimed he was and it was written all over. "C'mere."

Barachiel obeyed, leaning closer to her, maybe too close. His head was practically on her shoulder. Sib drew her mouth to his ear. "Why're you watching me?"

"Why?" Barachiel spoke awfully loud and Sib cringed. He reared back, smile apparant and eyes shining from the little bit of light cascading in from the windows. "'Cause I like you."

Sib mouthed an _oh_, her brows drawing closely together. Her lip was twitching when she opened her mouth to speak. "Can you maybe.. not?"

The man frowned- quite dramatically, too. She was beginning to feel bad. "Why would you not want me to look at you?"

"Because when you stare it makes me uncomfortable."

Barachiel seemed to think for a minute. "If you stared at me too and talked maybe it wouldn't be."

_"Well shit"_, Sib thought to herself, awkwardly scooting around in her seat to readjust. Her back was starting to hurt from smothering the window the whole ride since he'd taken to sitting practically on top of her... and staring. Creepily. "Uh."

"Yeah?" Barachiel spoke, slightly excited looking. His pupils were growing by the second. Did he ever blink?

"Suppose we could.. talk. What did you wanna talk about?"

A grin lit his face instantly but left when he shrugged. "I dunno. Do you have a pet?"

"No."

"Well. What do you wanna talk about then?" He was leaning into her again and Sib kept backing up until her head hit the window.

"Hey," Dean spoke finally and thank God for that, "why don't you give the lady some space? She doesn't seem that into you."

Barachiel quickly moved away from her but nowhere near as far away as she wanted him. She still was squished. Sib looked to Dean to give a silent thank you, drawing in a breath. There was that painful silence again. It seemed to be the new thing.

After a few minutes Sib directed her eyes to the window, watching the lame scenery that consisted of road and dead trees pass by. Even though she was glad Barachiel wasn't staring anymore, it didn't change that she was hungry, bored and tired. All she wanted was Sam back and Cas seemed to be taking them to the edge of Earth itself.

It was another hour before the sun began to rise and Barachiel rested his head on her lap. She stared at him for a moment in shock, saw his eyes close and felt his breathing calm. Before she could stop herself her hand was reaching out and running through his hair. Sib closed her eyes.

She couldn't count how many times she'd brush the hair from Sam's eyes when he slept. There was something so calming about it. Anytime she'd do it Sam would make a small noise that voiced his contentment, his hands would tense and clutch onto the pillow case. Sometimes when he was really tired, Sam would turn his head into the pillow and nuzzle into it, his fingers searching the spot in front of him for Sib. He wouldn't stop moving until she'd placed her hand over his.

Sib then remembered the times he caught her staring, how his eyes would flutter open filled with child-like innocence and a small smile would spread soon after. "Hey," Sam would say with sleep heavy in his voice, reaching up to grab her hand and bring it to his lips. She would want to crawl under a rock because of how embarrassing it was when he'd catch her watching him sleep, just to make sure he was safe and didn't have any nightmares.

Sib was stolen from her thoughts when Barachiel gripped her leg, moving slightly and inhaling deeply. A small tear came crashing down on his cheek and immediately he was coherent. Barachiel moved his hand to grip hers, sliding his thumb over hers to comfort her. "We'll get him back." He spoke, still half asleep.

How Barachiel knew what she was thinking, she didn't know. She just tipped her head back against the window and closed her eyes again, beginning to drift off.


End file.
